


The Logic of the Univers

by ByGrandCentral



Category: Amar a Muerte (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-02-27
Packaged: 2019-11-06 15:44:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17942543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ByGrandCentral/pseuds/ByGrandCentral
Summary: After their breakup, Valentina struggles to understand how it’s logically possible that they’re not together.





	The Logic of the Univers

**Author's Note:**

> This happens right after they break up on the bench. It's Valentina's initial feelings and coping of the situation. I think it also implicitly explains why she later asks Juliana for space. 
> 
> Mistakes are my own.

 

There are many things Valentina knows and doesn’t know in this world.

One thing she’s really good at is reading people. She knows how to get what she wants from them. She has mastered the art of charming everyone. She knows how to smile for the camera, how to get her dad to forgive her for anything, how to get Guille to agree to a party, how to distract her bodyguards, how to get Chivis on board with everything…

People make sense to her.

When she sees an opportunity, she knows exactly what to do to get what she wants. Just like when she wanted to help Juliana get into fashion school. It was only a matter of finding how or who, and then she gets it done.

Valentina understands how to make connections and how to set things in motion to create change. She understands just how the right slice of pie will get Alirio to do whatever she wants. Or just how to get Matteo to publish the news of Lupita’s death in the family newspaper with the right request.

She’s figured out journalism too and she’s figured out how to manoeuvre the wrath of her Eva, or how to get Lucho on board with whatever. She can even convince Nayeli to do anything as long she prefaces it with “but everyone else is doing it…”

And then there are the things, she doesn’t understand. She doesn’t understand why she has to suffer so much lately, or why good people like her dad have to die. She doesn’t understand why people like Juliana have to go through so much in one lifetime. Or why her mother had to die and she had to grow up with the faded imprint of motherly love. But these are the big questions of the universe so she accepts that she doesn’t understand them because she thinks maybe no one really does.

But today, all she can think about over and over and over again is why Juliana did not fight for them.

Valentina is trying not to cry (too much) but there is so much pain inside her that she feels like the universe is suspending her existence just so that it can prolong her misery. Juliana has just decided they shouldn’t see each other anymore. Somehow the pact didn’t even last. And she can’t focus on anything. The pain is clogged somewhere in her heart but every time Alirio turns into another street that moves further away from Juliana, she feels it spread to another part of her. The ache is settling everywhere. It’s reached her lungs when she breathes, it’s in her throat when she swallows, it’s her ears when she remembers Juliana’s whispered promises, it’s against every inch of her skin that creeps with ghost kisses of the girl she loves.

Valentina can understand Juliana’s fears, she can understand the pressure, she can understand the lack of support, or how lost she might feel. She can and she _does_. Her heart aches for the pain she knows the dark haired girl is feeling. She understands all of that. But she does not understand how someone walks away from what they have.

Valentina seeks her flask to stop her brain from doing this to her. She tries to breathe slowly but it comes out in sobs.

Valentina has had boyfriends and she’s flirted with so many boys. She knows that everything she has ever felt with any of them doesn’t even compare to one moment with Juliana. She knows that what she feels is earth-shattering and it defies everything she originally thought. She thought love was this made-up commercial feeling; this built up notion that people collectively pretended to feel. And she was ok with that. She accepted the way the universe was. That’s why she was with Lucho. It’s the way she thought relationships felt. But then Juliana came along and everything she thought she knew came undone. Love is everything and so much more than people said it was. It is the most genuine perfect thing she has ever felt.

She tells herself over and over that it’s not possible to feel how they feel and walk away.

Somehow all her brain can conjure are rules of logic. It’s almost as if she’s sitting back in class dissecting an argument; except now her life is on trial instead. There are fallacies swimming around in her brain, and she’s going through valid vs. sound arguments, wondering how principles of non-contradictions hold up to this. Because right now she needs to understand what is happening.

Because the truth is: it’s impossible in this universe, and all universes, that they are not together. Valentina has gone over the facts obsessively:

1\. Valentina loves Juliana.  
2\. Juliana loves Valentina with the same intensity.  
Therefore, if Valentina feels that she cannot _not_ choose to be with Juliana then Juliana has to feel the same way.

And here’s the part that kills her: Juliana didn’t choose her.

She takes another drink because she knows she can’t do this. It’s too much. It’s always too much. The only thing that didn’t make it too much was Juliana… and here we are.

Valentina has concluded that not choosing them must be against the very laws of logic. That somehow the whole balance of the universe is at stake because it is not possible to feel like she does for Juliana and not be together.

She starts concluding with the fleeting sobriety she has left that there can only be so many options left:

1\. Juliana does not love her as she loves her. Because if she did she would fight with everyone, with everything.  
Or  
2\. There’s something wrong with the universe.  
  
Valentina cannot accept that Juliana doesn’t love her, so inevitably there’s something wrong with the universe.

“Alirio?” She calls out to the front.

He raises his eyes and his eyebrows inquisitively and looks at her through the mirror.

“Alirio, the universe is broken.” She slurs a little bit as she drinks once more.

He doesn’t say anything but there’s a sadness in his eyes that Valentina needs to avoid at all costs.

Suddenly everything is so much clearer now that the alcohol is replacing the pain in her veins.

“Alirio, take me to Eva por favor.”

She’s looking all around for her phone, dropping it at least twice before grasping it. She finds Juliana’s contact without any effort.

She begins typing.

> _The universe is broken Juls_
> 
> _I’m going to fix it_
> 
> _For us_

She should feel like that’s a daunting task, fixing the universe so that she can be with the girl she loves, but she did say she would fight anyone, so she’ll add the universe if she has to.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for any kind word left behind :)


End file.
